MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - Goal TENDING and MENDING
BY MJ DUNNE
A story written in the instant folklore of Indy City Futbol: the one goal fixing king to rule them all...
It was approximately 2:30 PM on Wednesday, May 17 while Mr. Anderson was enjoying his late lunch. The nice break in his day felt odd. He never has free time, he thought to himself. Just at that moment, his thought was cut short by his ringing phone.
“Hello?” Mr. Anderson asked the caller. He could already hear the nervous breathing on the other end.
“Mark - you’ve gotta listen- I only have 2% battery and they sent the new part for the goal and it’s not the right part and the first game is at 6pm and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
It was the commissioner. Mark coolly interrupted the panicked caller.
“I’m on it, Commish," he said, and abruptly hung up on the commissioner.
-Mission Impossible Theme Song Stops Playing-
Truth be told, the commissioner found the whole exchange to be pretty rude, but he didn’t have the time to argue. This was about something bigger than feelings.
-Mission Impossible Theme Song Continues-
The future of Indy City Futbol's opening week was in Mark’s hands...after lunch, because he had a pretty awesome sandwich from Love Handle. Understandable.
It was now 4:30 PM and Mark was running out of time, but he was undeterred. “I work better under pressure,” Mark said to himself. He believed that statement, but his college test scores after pulling all-nighters told a different story.
Being in the problem-solving business, Mark had learned a few tricks of the trade. Well, really, just one. And it isn’t actually a trick. It’s an instrument called a caliper meter.
Mark frantically ran through an unfamiliar Lowe’s, searching for the Holy Grail (aka caliper meter). The Lowe’s employees were very confused. This annoyed Mark, knowing that the employees at his usual stomping grounds would understand and appreciate his sense of urgency.
Probably not, but they weren’t available for a comment.
Mark reeled around the corner, finally finding the caliper meter in aisle 15. He was disgusted by the nonsensical organization and, of course, got stuck waiting behind a slow cashier. He would later be sure to tag Lowe’s in an angry Facebook status once he got home, but our sources can neither confirm, nor deny, this report.
After his patience was thoroughly tested, he met with Jeff Bumgarner, Brandon Evans and Josh Baker on the field, tools in hand. Together, they combined mecha to become Megazord—oh wait, wrong trope.
They worked fastidiously (with help from others) and the games kicked off as the last screw was being set. They gazed upon their man-made beauty and reveled in their team work. It was a thankless job, but someone had to it.
The commissioner walked up and patted Mark on the back. Mark was surprised, but happy that his hard work was recognized and looked forward to hearing what the commissioner had to say.
“You know, you shouldn’t hang up on people. I was going to tell you that we had the tools. We just needed an extra hand to help.”
Mark understood that it’s hard for people to admit fault and ask for help. In response, he laughed and said,
He walked away, satisfied. The commissioner was confused, but figured he should keep the battles on the pitch.