Commish Missing: Suspected to be Buried Under Massive Lost and Found Pileup
Indy City Futbol Commissioner Jordan Updike has recently come up missing. It is suspected that he is buried under the massive amount of league lost and found items piling up inside of his home.
It's nothing new that Indy City Futbol players leave items behind after matches each week. However, with the increase in teams for the 2017 season, the amount of lost and found items collected during this season have greatly exceeded years past.
Local reports indicate that the number lost and found items recently swelled. Having nowhere else to go, the collection had begun consuming the Commissioner's home.
Neighboring tenants have begun to whisper sentiments of horror and concern. "I haven't heard from the Commish in a while. With all the water bottles, clothing, and indiscriminate injury wraps piling up, it was starting to look like an episode of hoarders in there." says neighbor and Mass Ave United manager, Lucas Sanders. "But, the dog barking is muffled now, so that's nice."
Sounds of clattering water bottles, muffled dog barks, and tiny screams of "MELP" could be heard in the background during Sanders' interview. Noises were assumed to be coming from his television.
If you have any information about the Commish whereabouts, please contact the league office.
And if you're missing an item that you believe might be in the Indy City Futbol Lost and Found stash, for the love of all things holy, get your stuff, and help the Commish get his home back.