Letter to the Editor: I'm Tired of Meridian-Kessler Having Fun

To the Editor: 

Has your team played Meridian-Kessler United this season? I have, and something is up.

Last year, they struggled to get through the season. They walked around after each game looking soul-crushed. I once walked up to a player with his arms wrapped around the leg of a woman from another team begging her to play, just so they'd have numbers to start the game. If I’m being honest, I liked seeing Meridian-Kessler down on their luck. I have it on good authority that every MKU player works at Lilly and has at least seven bathrooms in their house. I bet several of them are sitting on or in their bidet (I don’t know how a bidet works exactly) right now reading this while eating a sandwich with Grey Poupon on it.

They haven’t felt our strife! 

They haven’t been oppressed like us!

This year I saw one of them literally fart a rainbow. I kid you not.

So, what am I getting at, Indy City Futbol, #1 soccer league on Yelp? Something doesn’t smell right and it’s not the dumpster fire in Bates-Hendricks. It’s the Meridian-Kessler United squad. Have you seen how much they laugh during the games and at the afterparties? 


Don’t get me started. At the Sun King Brewery afterparty – I literally had to tell them my ride was leaving, so they’d stop talking to me so politely and giving me great suggestions for future seasons. It’s like, stop! I don't want your charity!

Where’s the Meridian-Kessler of last year? I want that team back so we can feel like we’re at least beating them at something. I mean, nearly everyone has beaten them at soccer, but it’s not enough! Like this post if you agree.