Breaking: ICF Commissioner Recommends Review of Indy City Futbol
What began as a secret whispered in select circles years back has festered into a dang-near scandal for the League, and that scandal is corruption. Jordan Updike, league commissioner, has ordered a committee review of Indy City Futbol. The committee, known as the Commission on City Futbol, is comprised of Jose Mourinho, Arsene Wenger, Landon Donovan, Alexi Lalas, David Robinson and chaired by Dr. Condoleezza Rice. The charge of this committee is to rid Indy City Futbol of tampering, improper benefits and other nefarious acts that affect the sanctity of the league.
It has long been assumed that teams were using any means necessary to recruit players. Just last year, a Midtown player offered to drive another player in a carpool if they signed up to play, and a Broad Ripple City player was seen being paid in Thr3e Wise Men pizza after the game to flop every time someone said, “Need a sub?”
However, it was unknown the corruption ran so deep. Sources say that former ICF Media Boss Drew Kincius took the job last year in exchange for $300 in Kohl’s cash that was set to expire at the end of September. In a review of documents obtained by Outside the Lines of the Pitch, it was discovered that Mr. Kincius’ job was, in fact, unpaid and the Kohl’s cash went unreported on his tax return.
Upper Downtown FC is one team that has long been rumored to be on the hot seat ever since re-signing an endorsement deal with adidaz. Though the team receives compensation through this deal, League players are still expected to maintain their amateur status. Outside the Lines of the Pitch was able to secure documents that show that adidaz is a knock-off Adidas brand with an offshore P.O. Box next to the Derek Jeter owned Miami Marlins. Adidaz has become very popular with the youth. The brand believes Upper Downtown FC’s influencers are best equipped to sell its kloudfoam and UltraBUUST shoes, on and off the field.
The commission plans to meet over the next three months and release its findings prior to the beginning of the Indy City Futbol playoffs.
Dr. Condoleezza Rice could not be reached for comment.