Letter to the Editor: Bates-Hendricks, how?
To the Editor:
I love Indy City Futbol, I love my country, and I love soccer, but Bates-Hendricks FC, how? How did a team that was everyone’s lovable losers go from winning a single game in 2017, to being undefeated in 2019? I smell something fishy and it’s not the sewage backing up into all our homes after all of this unrelenting rain.
Upon review of the roster, I noticed a startling common thread. All 18 players have been personally blessed by Karen Laine and Mina Starsiak. I don’t like to make hasty accusations, but those women are clearly witches who have used spells to enchant this Bates-Hendricks team. I know, I know, I know. Good Bones is a great show and it really shows off the wonderful community work that goes on in Bates-Hendricks, Fountain Square, and the other surrounding neighborhoods, but there is no other reasonable explanation. (Plus, I hear that a certain BHFC couple actually lives in a Good Bones home.)
I think we all would gladly sell our souls to the dark arts magicians that are the cast of Good Bones to be good at Indy City Futbol, but it’s not that easy! I can’t spend every evening at Bowhaus Tap. We can all agree that Bowhaus Tap is a local business that you should definitely support, but you never know when the Good Bones leading ladies are going to be there. It’s not like they announce Mina is going to be performing an incantation at karaoke night, or that Karen will be providing talismans in exchange for souls during domestics night.
Oh, I’m not finished.
Don’t even get me started on that guy who switches teams every year, who just now happens to be on the BHFC roster. You know the one with the colorful shorts? I don’t know how the team convinced him to buy a house and be a big part of the community, but I know it’s a lie! He didn’t do that because he loves Bates-Hendricks. He did it because he’s a soccer mercenary and is very thorough.
Please, Bates-Hendricks, renounce HGTV and all of your home improvement stardom, and go back to the team we beat 8 to 3 that everyone loves.